"We reserve the right to make fun of every single person on planet Earth."
- Mark Hoppus
[taken from i-don't-know-where]

"i wish they had weiner farms, cause then maybe i could get a bigger one."
- Mark Hoppus, talking about his
peepee
[taken from a MuchMusic interview]

"We speak for all males, we write songs hoping that girls will like us dirty rotten boys for a long time." - tom
[taken from i-don't-know-where]

"Thank god I didn't get a boner." - mark, talking about the filming of the wmaa video with
janine the porn star
[taken from an interview from musicbase.com]

"Travis does his own thing and ignores me and Tom." - mark
[taken from teen people]

"We're like Fisher Price: My First Punk Band." - Hoppus on Blinks relationship with fans
[taken from rolling stone]

"I pray at night, but i don't think God's happy about the words we say onstage." - tom
[taken from rolling stone]

"You know what's really embarassing? When you go to the emergency room and you have
to convince the doctor that you slipped and fell on the G.I. Joe - and explain why it was
lubricated." - mark, being stupid.
[taken from rolling stone]

"Dude, you ever try to buy $500 of heroin with a third-party out-of-state check?" - mark, being stupid again.
[taken from rolling stone]

"I think sex is a race to orgasm - and I'm undefeated." - mark
[taken from rolling stone]

"I was all, 'I need a word that goes "duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh,"' and [Mark] goes, 'commiserating!'
I called people to make sure it meant what we thought it did." - tom, explaining how the word
"commiseratering" ended up in "All The Small Things."
[taken from teen poople]

"Most people think we're just like this onstage, but we talk about poop all the time." - tom
[taken from teen poople]

"We believe that people can come to a show, take off their clothes, and run around and have
a good time." - tom
[taken from teen poople]

"All those teens out there, you have to see a counselor! Mark just took every English class
in the world and didn't know they had nothing to do with his major!" - tom, talking about college
[taken from teen poople]

"I think they're superfunny but you would never hear me [talking like them]. If I feel like
being a potty mouth in the privacy of my own home, i will. I just don't have it in me to do
it in front of ten thousand strangers." - [gasp] travis, about mark and tom
[taken from teen poople]

"But on her deathbed, my mom told me to keep on playing music, to go for my dreams. That's
pretty much why I kept on doing it." - travis, talking about his mother wanting him to continue
playing the drums
[taken from teen poople]

"Happy fucking b-day we hope you stayed safe." - blink to me in a letter
[taken from a letter]

"Scott..." - Scott, in a commercial for KROQ
[donated by Nick]

"I finally found true love... I bought a hamster, and I've never felt emotions this deep before."
- Mark, in the introduction for I Won't Be Home For Christmas
[donated by Nick]

"A lot of guys like to fantasize about having sex with 2 girls at the same time... I like
to fantasize about having sex with the same girl twice, thank you." -mark
[donated by Greg]

"I suffer from immature ejaculation." -mark
"So... you have orgasms on underage kids?! That's so sick. Mark is so fucking sick." -tom
"Hey, I'm a master." -mark
[donated by Greg]

"Hey Tom look... this dude is calling us sellouts. HELLO. You just paid 20 bucks to
see US." -mark, on stage
[donated by Greg]

"Put those away you underage freak. If I wanted to see a 13 year old's boobs i would
hang out with my sister." -mark, on stage
[dontated by Greg]

"Who ordered the naked midgit?!" -mark
"That would be me." -tom
[donated by Greg]

"This song is really hard to play, so if you all would shut the fuck up, maybe i can
concentrate" -tom
[donated by Greg]

"I model alot of enemas. I model enema bags." - tom
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"Hey. This is normal celery. But watch what happens when you take it out here."
(tom goes to open window.down below lots of screaming fans)
"HEY!" - tom to crowd, throwing celery out into the crowd
*crowd cheers*
"They're all vegetarians." - tom
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"And basically I just want you to know that I am responsible for anything good the band has
to offer." - tom
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"My birthday is March 15th, which makes me a pisces, which means that I'm very sexy." - mark
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"Please don't throw up your dirty toilet paper. I'm not hungry." - tom, talking to fans
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"People people people
Where's the love in this world?
People people people
Where's the love in this world?
Because you're all my brothers and sisters
We all love with one heart
So why won't some girl suck my cock?" - mark
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"I'm not gay. A lot of people think I'm gay." - tom
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"I have a Canker Sore and it got bigger, so I asked Dr. Bruce, you know, to help me out on
what he thinks it might be. We're hoping it's nothing creepy"-tom
"However, the prognosis about his canker sore is pretty much the same as the prognosis on tom's
penis. It's not the biggest one that Dr. Bruce has ever seen, but it's the placement of it
that bothers him."-mark
"What the hell's in your nose?"-travis, to tom
"Dr. Bruce, any chance of that being gonorrhea of the throat?"-travis
"Please?"-mark
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"My nuts taste better with fudge." - tom
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"I'm probably the sexiest and the best in bed. Even if I'm by myself in bed." - tom
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"It's Travis' sweat, cause we fucked in the butt. Travis fucked me in the butt, and I
sweated so much that I came." - mark
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"I love to masturbate. I just love to give myself orgasms. I love to deliver orgasms
to the masses. Deliver my orgasms..." - tom
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"We're in Tokyo Disneyland. Cinderella's Castle. Get a shot of the castle you bastard."
- mark , to scott
"I am you moron." - scott, to mark
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"Alright, if i had to sleep with a man it would be Harrison Ford." - mark
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"Everything is beautiful in this band." - travis
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"The photo session is going actually quite well. I really enjoy getting make-up and my
butt worked on. What I do normally before any photo shoot is I get my butt spackled, shaved,
waxed, massaged and buffed." - tom
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"Let's get the money sign in there. That's what really matters." - travis, talking about his tattoo
[taken from The Urethra Chronicles]

"Take off your pants
Sister brother dad cousin
Nipples are big
You have a dozen" - tom's song
[napster]

"Hey, don't tell me what to play. Fuck it. Fuck you." - tom
[napster]

"Take off your pants dad
Your penis is the biggest thing
My butt's ever had
Cause I know
It feels so good." - tom's song
[napster]

"I can't tell if it's a guy or a girl!" - mark
"Are you a guy or a girl??" - tom
"Oh it's a guy." - mark
"Oh I think it's a guy." - tom
"Or a girl with a really deep voice." - mark
"Let's see your dick." - tom
"We need confirmation on your sexuality." - mark
"Do you like women or men? Would you sleep with your mom for a hundred bones?" - tom
"He like women." - mark
"HE LIKES WOMEN!" - tom
"Allright!" - mark
"Do you like me? If you had to give me an orgasm, how would you do it?" - tom, and mark, talking to some it at a show
[napster]

"Hey, my name's mark, what's up you guys? I just said hello. Everyone say hi." -mark
::cheering from the crowd::
"What are all your names?" - mark
"Hey, is anybody here still a virgin? That sucks. You guys should really try sex.
It's a lot of fun. If feels really good." - tom
"Tom's little sister was a virgin until her dad came back home and fucked her in
the ass." - mark
"Hey, my dad doesn't do anymore fuckin'. I put a stop to that about a year ago when
I stayed at his place for the weekend. I'm tired." - tom
"Hey, seriously, honestly, this is just between you and me guys, but Tom's dad really did
have butt sex with his sister." - mark
"My dad really didn't do the butt sex thing." - tom
"Just don't tell anybody. WHAT ARE YOU DENYING IT FOR?" - mark
"Ok, hey mark, you don't talk so much." - tom
[napster]

"Hi, I'm mark... I'm a pieces... I like: Watersports... poetry... and you know, I enjoy the - occasional - blowjob" - Mark
"The occasional" - Tom
[napster]

"This one goes out, to all our fans. To all the punk-rock kids who've been into our band.
We know you knew us, by this one song. It is for you, been around, 6 years long" - Tom
"... And it hurts
... Here it comes people of Los Angeles..." - Mark, and tom , live intro of Dammit in LA.
[napster]

"Hi, this is Blink 182 and we only have 25 minutes so maybe we should start to sing, what do you think tom?" - Mark
"I think I want to get laid..." - Tom
"Take it easy brother
... Here we go" - Mark, and Tom, intro of Pathetic Live in LA
[napster]

"Hey... You know what?" - Tom
"Go ahead Tom" - Mark
"I think I hurt myself on that little..." - Tom
:: cheers from the crowd ::
"I...
Fuck I'm tired" - Tom
"Pay attention Shithead" - Mark
"Yeah I will...
Wanna play a song?
I'm horny" - Tom, and Mark, Intro of Untitled (again live in LA)
[napster]

"So yes... err... it's true... we are the worst band in the tour... right, thank you..." - Mark
"Yes... Hey, I wanna drink - w a t e r -
What are we doin' now -sidearms-?
Hey... I masturbated like 5 times within the last 24 hours... It's gonna fall off... It hurts...
Do I look feminine when I stand like this?" - Tom
:: crowd cheers ::
"Hey I met Christina Applegate before..." - Tom
"Eh...?" - Mark
"I think she looked at my butt..." - Tom
" hehe " - Mark
" Let's cheer for blowjobs people..." - Mark, and Tom (to the crowd of LA before singing "Josie")
[napster]

"... Thank you...
... What?... What?... You love me?
... You don't love me: You just love my -doggy- style" - Mark
" I love your doggy style ! " - Tom
" We're writing a new record right now... " - Mark
" And we suck at it ..." - Tom
" And it's gonna suck even more than "Dude Ranch"
... This song is about aliens... 'cause tom is a checky... " - Mark
" I've been abducted... And pulled up by the penis..." - Tom
" Travis are you ready?" - Mark
" ON PURPOSE " - Tom, and mark, intro of aliens-exist live in LA
[napster]

" Hey, you know what...?
... You guys wanna hear a secret?" - Tom to the crowd
:: crowd cheers ::
"... but... I don't think that thing is very funny so... it's intimidating me..." - Tom, prelude of IWBHFC live @ LA
[napster]

"Isn't it beautiful with the smell and all the funny shit with the snow...? - Tom, to the crowd
:: crowd cheers ::
"And what if this was all little tiny sperm?... hehe... sperm... ugh, that's disgusting... the sperm-raining-show" - Tom
"Plastic snow... here's another tube though..." - Mark, starting a song...
" Hey... wait, hold on a second..." - Tom
" Sorry Tom... Everyone wait for Tom... So what's up?" - Mark
" You have no idea how it's hard for people to get heared here... but... it's ok..." - Tom, starting the song finally...
" I like girls..." - Tom, and mark, intro of Mutt live in LA
[napster]

"Well I guess this is the growing up" - Tom singing Dammit, near the end of the song...
"Just tell me what you want, what you really, really want...
...Just tell me what you want, what you really, really want...
...I want a ah...
...I want a ah...
...I want a ah, ah, ah...
...I want really, really, really, you to say ah..." - Mark
(note: there is also a version where they say "I want a really big penis")
[napster]

Also see:
Band's Biographies